Resolutions

My get-up-and-go got up and watched Netflix.

/ Satine11 / Leave a comment

“We get older and we forget. People, they stop doing the things that they love.”

This is a quote from the movie Sex Tape, which I watched last night. Granted, the character was talking about blow. In a movie called Sex Tape. So I won’t be too hasty in using it as a basis for my life philosophy.

But, as horrifying as it is to admit, that one line struck a chord with me. It’s something I think about often. When did we stop doing the things we love?

Seriously, hear me out – think back to when you were fifteen. Think back to when you were ten. What did you do in your free time, when there were more restrictions preventing you from wasting it? I read. I wrote. I danced and sang poorly in musicals. But I loved it.

Let’s focus on that 2nd one – writing. I used to write constantly – journals, short stories, poems. Now look at this blog.Yesterday I renewed the domain name for the 3rd year in a row. I have written three posts. Total. The most expensive blogs posts anyone has ever written.

The tragedy of the quarter life crisis is that you spend half your time thinking about how you need things to change and the other half is split between working in a job you convince yourself you love and Orange is the New Black. You’re so exhausted from work you have no energy left for the things you used to love. TRAGEDY.

So, dear followers (if there are any of you left? Severe abandonment issues notwithstanding), I am asking you to hold me accountable. Read my blog. Share it. In return I promise to do what I love and WRITE – one blog post a week, for the next year. This commitment makes me nervous (I changed year to six months to three months, then called myself some bad names and put it back to a year). But I have a lot of thoughts. And hopefully a couple people willing to listen. And discuss.

On an unrelated note, if anyone has any movie recommendations – I am clearly scrapping the barrel.

Did I not mention the 18-month hiatus? Writers’ strike.

/ Satine11 / Leave a comment

Oh, hello world. Nice to see you again.

I will admit, when logging back into my blog for the first time in “oh, awhile I guess … but like. I’ve been busy. House is on Netflix now.”, motivated by the energy, spirit(s) and the peer pressure of the New Year, not to mention turning Twenty-Fucking-Five (and by “not to mention”, I mean “I intend to write 18 posts on this subject alone”), I did not realize that it would be exactly 18 months, down to the day, since I had written my very first post. A first post that, in all honesty, I’ve very much enjoyed reading again now. I think I captured, for once in my life, quite succinctly how I was feeling. When you have as many feelings as I do (so. many.), expressing them in a way that others understand becomes quite a challenge. So was proud of the post in that respect.

What I disliked about the post? I’m not sure how much things have changed since then. Litmus test: “I hate London.” The first line of my first post. Do I still hate London? Well. I’d say London and I tolerate each other. London is that colleague you have who is nice enough, I guess, but you have little to nothing in common with. You can politely discuss your weekends when you have the misfortune of requiring coffee at the same time, but beyond that, you’re quite happy to let each other co-exist without giving each other must thought.

That’s the nonchalant way of putting it. The truth is, I think I’ve made myself numb to London. Perhaps as a defense mechanism, perhaps as a survival tactic. But the point is, when you’re a naturally emotional and full-of-feels individual, being numb is a very unnatural state. And strangely, it becomes more depressing than being well, depressed.

So. Here I am, 18 months later, still drinking the same shit red wine and still wanting the same thing, really – to be excited and energized by my environment. Just coming at it from a slightly different state. But more on that later.

LT x